Suffering as a seed for change – how to turn limitations into strength

A story of how personal hardship and suffering can ignite a leader’s transformation

When pain becomes a teacher

“Man can be deprived of everything but one thing, the last of human freedoms – the choice of one’s own attitude in given circumstances, the choice of one’s own path.” – Viktor E. Frankl

In moments of greatest adversity, questions arise about the meaning of suffering. Can suffering teach me something? Can the limitations imposed on me by life become the seed of positive change?

Suffering makes us start looking for solutions, escape or even a change of position. When your leg hurts while bending, don’t you automatically change position and straighten the painful limb? This is nothing more than the very beginning of transformation and change. It can be the same at the level of our psyche.

As a leader on a daily basis with haemophilia (a serious genetic disease – a blood clotting disorder that causes me to experience prolonged bleeding), these questions have been with me for years in both my personal and professional life

Everyday life with Haemophilia includes pain, sudden strokes, frustration, movement restrictions, arthropathy, joint stiffness (especially in winter), complications from concomitant diseases or intravenous drug administration a minimum of 104 times a year

My first stroke occurred shortly after I turned one. When I was a child, my parents fought a constant battle for my health and our lives consisted of constant hospital visits. There were so many that, when I think about them now, they all merge into one.

For a long time, I treated my condition exclusively as a burden, something that set me apart from others and could theoretically stop my development. Over time, however, I discovered the paradox in the fact that suffering can become a teacher and even a gift if we consciously choose our attitude towards it.

Today I would like to tell you about my journey from seeing illness as a limitation to discovering in it a source of exceptional leadership competence. I will show how personal suffering can become a foundation for empathy and provide practical tips on how to turn your own challenges into a transformative force

Suffering as a seed for change – strength hidden in adversity

Many successful people point to moments of crisis as turning points in their lives. Leadership research confirms that it is the way in which adversity is dealt with that often distinguishes outstanding leaders from average ones.

Warren Bennis and Robert J. Thomas, in their publication for HBR, point out that “one of the most reliable markers of true leadership is an individual’s ability to find meaning in negative events and learn from even the most difficult experiences”, and the ability to overcome adversity and emerge stronger from it is a trait of exceptional leaders. Development through adversity is a real character-shaping process.

Psychology calls this phenomenon post-traumatic growth. It denotes positive psychological changes that occur as a result of struggling with extremely difficult life experiences.

People who have experienced trauma or suffering often talk about re-evaluating their lives, discovering a new meaning or strength they did not suspect themselves to have.

But importantly, the strength born out of suffering does not come automatically. Psychological research by Tedeschi and Calhoun shows that around 50-70% of trauma survivors report a positive change in their approach to relationships, their appreciation of life, their priorities. It is not, of course, that they downplayed the pain or suffering. These individuals continued to feel the effects of difficult experiences, but discovered a new meaning in them. They also indicated that conscious response, effort and reflection related to adversity were most important in this process

By understanding that even in the face of unavoidable pain you have the freedom to choose your attitude, you can try to make sense of this difficult time. It is this conscious choice, whether you treat your pain as destruction or as a seed of change, that will determine your path forward

This research is reflected in my life. Haemophilia has accompanied me since birth. The severe form of this disease resulted in the fact that minor injuries could cause dangerous internal bleeding. Growing up with this awareness was not easy. As a child, I looked on with envy at my peers running carefree on the sports field, while I had to be careful at every turn. Back then, there was no prevention, which has now taken the lives of people with this disease to a whole other level , and as a result I spent far too much time in hospital rooms or corridors.

Due to a large number of strokes, I had individual tuition through primary and high school. I didn’t go to class and the teachers visited me at home. It was a time when I felt a bit lonely, but it helped to minimise the number of bleeds.

I was not able to get rid of my illness, there was no way to cure myself of it, but I understood that I could determine how I would react to it. Such a reflection (probably like for most people who face adversity), did not come easily to me by any means. First and foremost, I perceived my illness as an injustice in life. Only with time did I realise that I needed to find the lessons and the good that come from difficult experiences. These turned out to be time (resulting from solitude), the opportunity to focus on learning new things and the incredible development of empathy. I decided to make the most of it.

This is how my path to development was born. A love of programming quickly followed. I started programming, on my Commodore 64, at the age of 11. Then came a love of mathematics, physics, chess, strategy games and later even writing poems or short stories. Thanks to this combination, to this day I believe that engineering and the humanities are not opposite worlds.

This time allowed me to develop intensively intellectually, which in the future resulted in me going to technical studies and creating my first software company.

On the one hand, it is a story about how a teenager copes with boredom and lack of company. On the other hand, it is a story about how sometimes it is necessary to withdraw in order to quietly ‘build’ new competences and visions within oneself, which will then blossom.

The philosophy of finding the driving force in limitations is borne out by the experiences of many leaders and research. Resilience, or the ability to be mentally resilient and recover from difficulties, is recognised as one of the most important qualities of effective leaders.

Professor George Kohlrieser defines resilience as ‘the human capacity to face adversity, failure and trauma and then rebuild to go on living life to the full’. Resilient leaders are able to ‘bounce back’ after setbacks and adapt to change without falling into destructive behaviour.

Moreover, such resilience not only helps us to weather the storms ourselves, but also, if we are a team leader, to support the team members.

Leadership is only sustainable if both the leader and his or her team can consistently renew energy reserves despite stress.

Both research and practice indicate that suffering can be a catalyst for development if we can make sense of it and learn lessons from it.

In my case, after strokes, contractures and muscle atrophy were normal. Bleeding into the joints (and in haemophilia this is standard) means that the muscles around the painful limb stop working as they should and the joints, due to degeneration and damage, lose their full ranges of movement. It is difficult to imagine how arduous rehabilitation can be. Unfortunately, some patients even have endoprostheses inserted because the changes are so severe that physiotherapy can no longer help.

From a neurological perspective, our brains can form new connections when we systematically ‘practice’ given movements. The same principle applies to building mental resilience. Neuro-linguistic studies (cf. Brown et al., 2021) have noted that the brain of ‘resilient people’ reacts differently to stress, activating regions responsible for rational analysis instead of panic. The research suggests that the more difficult experiences we have in life, the more we somehow ‘train’ the brain to control anxiety more effectively.

Haemophilia – a personal struggle that shapes character

Understanding how I would respond to my challenges did not at all make life suddenly easier. As an adult, everyday life with haemophilia has caused me to miss out on many opportunities.

I have had to give up attending many events, being on stage, giving talks and workshops, participating in panel discussions, working at the university, working with the government, taking part in interviews and TV programmes, travelling abroad and meeting inspiring people. I could go on and on.

Loneliness can accelerate relationship building

As I mentioned earlier, I had one-to-one tuition for a large part of my life, which meant that I had quite limited contact with my peers.   At the time, I didn’t understand if any problems would arise from this, it was simply the reality. However, when the moment came to go to university, it turned out to be a real jump in the deep end. Not only did I have to ‘catch up’ on social matters, but I also made the decision to set up my own business (then still a vertical in AIP) almost in parallel. On the one hand, I was trying to learn how to communicate with my peers (which was a challenge in itself), and on the other, I had to quickly embrace building business relationships, which can sometimes be even more complicated.

Long-term observations also confirm that loneliness in childhood is ‘postponed’ and that people who were socially isolated as children are more likely to struggle with lowered mood, anxiety or problems in social functioning in adulthood. On the other hand, other research psychological studies show that people with limited socialisation as children are able to catch up with the rest later, but their adaptation process tends to be more rapid. I think I can confidently confirm this. Most of the time, I had the impression that others were ‘swimming’ in a sea of social relationships, while I was just learning to float. Let’s take as an example a story with a boy from my year who made fun of me in public and I, in all my naivety, didn’t even grasp that he was doing it.

Someone might think that this is an ideal situation to shut down, get into complexes or even respond with aggression. But in my case, a logical view of the situation and a large dose of empathy, which the illness probably shaped in me, came to the fore. I have learnt that suffering sensitises and sometimes helps you to understand emotions more quickly. Instead of running away or getting discouraged, I took it as another challenge on the way to building real relationships.

When I tried to develop business contacts, it turned out that another layer of complexity came into play, as I had to quickly learn how to talk to potential customers, then investors or partners.

Constraints help to find innovative solutions

When I was in my twenties and taking my first steps in business, I was basically broke and limited in my mobility (also due to illness). In those days networking was just developing, and if there were any events going on, I simply couldn’t afford them either financially or physically.

So I decided that instead of living with these limitations, I would find another, creative way to meet people. That’s how I ended up on GoldenLine (a now-defunct Polish social network, the equivalent of LinkedIn). There was a Lodz discussion group and a thread where people agreed to meet every Friday at the legendary Lodz “wall” where people met before parties and going out dancing in the city centre. Quite a few managers who were returning to their hometowns for the weekend manifested themselves in the thread

I decided to take advantage of this and instead of establishing relationships in a rigid business atmosphere, I managed to do so in a less formal environment. I met a lot of people in this way, with whom I formed partnerships.

​Interestingly, years later, I had the opportunity to read a meta-analysis of as many as 145 studies, which showed that both individuals and teams or entire organisations develop innovation best when faced with a ‘healthy dose’ of constraints .

Lack of choice and scarce resources force us to look for unusual solutions, while too much freedom can paradoxically be less stimulating. A similar mechanism occurs with physical or health limitations. People with disabilities or chronic illnesses face barriers on a daily basis and often have to use a lot of ingenuity to get around them.

Sociologists in their work have described how people with various dysfunctions cope with inaccessible environments. ​They use ‘homemade ways’ and improvised solutions, ask for help from others at critical moments, develop their own routines to facilitate overcoming obstacles, and look up to others in a similar situation to learn clever tricks .

In other words, they are forced to be creative in their daily lives, which sometimes makes them masters of unusual improvements. The literature emphasises that such ‘creative coping’ with limitations can sometimes be an invisible but very valuable resource. Both for the individuals concerned and for society, which can learn from their innovations and experiences.

Going back to my story – at that time, any professional success was paid for by a huge effort, and I often felt that I had to work two or three times as hard to keep up with my healthy competitors.

Suffering teaches discipline and determination

Over the years, however, I have learned not to give up. Each successive achievement took time, determination and working beyond my means, but the taste of success made it even better.

Today, I believe that this severe illness has in some way shaped my character and helped to keep my life on track and, paradoxically, I am grateful for it.

In retrospect, I can also see that it also taught me humility, patience and perseverance. Overcoming difficulties became a habit, because as I dealt with piercing pain and physical limitations, no business crisis seemed insurmountable.

Most importantly, however, my personal transformation happened when I changed my approach to my own weakness. For a long time I hid my illness from the world, especially the business world. I was afraid of being labelled a ‘sick person’. I did not want my achievements to be belittled through the prism of sympathy. I had the thought in my head: work in such a way that no one could say I had achieved anything for a sick person. That’s why I didn’t talk about haemophilia in public for years. It seemed to me that it would be best to completely separate this sphere from my professional life.

It took some time for me to sort things out in my head enough to clearly understand that, after all, everyone faces some obstacles and challenges, although they are not always visible at first glance.

I additionally began to see that my story, if told honestly, could carry value to others. Gradually, with the encouragement of my wife and others affected by serious illnesses, I dared to come out of the shadows and speak openly about my challenges. I told the public about both the problems and pain and my successes.

The response exceeded my expectations. The proof that it was worth opening up is in the messages from dozens of people who, thanks to my story, started to break down their own barriers and change their lives for the better. People have written to say that they were inspired by my determination and that they themselves are gaining the courage to face their challenges.

This experience taught me that sharing my story can be very powerful. I stopped treating haemophilia as an embarrassing secret and began to see it as part of my identity, which, yes, carries pain, but also unique lessons. The sense of authenticity and coherence with myself grew every time I spoke openly about what shaped me instead of hiding it. As a result, I became a more empathetic leader – as I experienced limitations myself, it became easier to understand the limitations and needs of others. This is how the suffering I was so ashamed of became a source of personal and leadership strength.

From personal transformation to empathetic leadership

My story is just one example of how adversity can build the foundations of leadership. The experience of suffering gave me practical lessons that management experts often talk about: resilience, self-awareness, empathy and authenticity are qualities that are extremely important for today’s leader.

Mental toughness

Firstly, mental resilience has become my safe haven. With years of struggling with illness behind me, in crisis situations I remain calm and confident that ‘this too shall pass’. I know what failure and pain tastes like, so I’m not afraid to make brave decisions or experiment.

Many studies confirm that leaders who develop resilience through stressful situations are more effective in the long term. Every adversity we overcome increases our ability to cope with subsequent challenges. This upward spiral even makes us ‘anti-fragile’, or stronger after shocks, over time.

Self-awareness

Secondly, self-awareness and conscious choices. Suffering, as it were, forces you to reflect deeply on yourself, on your limitations, priorities and values. When you are dealing with pain on a daily basis, you have to choose very consciously what you will spend your limited energy on. In my case, my illness has taught me to clearly prioritise what is really important and what can wait. Such prioritisation is the essence of conscious leadership. Making decisions not on autopilot or under the pressure of the moment, but in line with your principles, values and long-term goals. It is worth noting that a leader’s self-awareness translates into better performance for the organisation as a whole. It turns out that most of us have a problem with this.

I wrote about this in one of my publications, in which I cited data showing that 95% of people consider themselves to be self-aware, while in reality only 10-15% actually possess this trait.

Meanwhile, high self-awareness in a leader correlates with a more effective team and a healthier work culture. A leader who knows himself (his strengths, weaknesses and emotions) is better able to regulate stress and better understands the emotions of his employees, making it easier to build trust.

Empathy

Another, third issue is empathy. Nothing teaches it more than one’s own suffering. When I experienced helplessness, pain or a sense of injustice, I gained a whole new sensitivity to the other person. As a leader, I realised that empathetic leadership is not an add-on, but the foundation of effective collaboration.

Research shows that 86% of employees believe that an empathetic leader can boost team morale and 87% see empathy as key to creating an inclusive, inclusive work environment.

Empathy can be likened to the ability to step into someone’s shoes. As a result of my own difficult experiences, I am better able to listen to the concerns or needs of my team members. In practice, this means, for example, a flexible approach when someone is struggling with personal problems or a genuine interest in the development of an employee who is going through a crisis

Authenticity and inspiration through stories

Finally, fourth and last, is authenticity and inspiring through stories. When I shared my battle with haemophilia with people, my team or those around me, I noticed that people started to see me not just as a CEO, director or manager, but as a flesh and blood human being. This authenticity broke down a lot of barriers, and people around me were more willing to share their ideas and problems with me because they saw me as a partner, rather than someone distant and inaccessible.

Many outstanding leaders have undergone what is known as a crucible moment, a trial by fire that has hardened them and given direction to their leadership. It is through such experiences that they can then honestly tell their teams:

– “I know what you’re feeling because I’ve been in a similar place and managed to overcome it.“

Such a narrative can motivate development more than more training. Authentic, experiential storytelling is a powerful tool for a leader transforming a company into a more human and innovative structure – it builds connection, trust and a sense of community in pursuit of a goal.

Ask yourself if there is anything in your life that you are hiding that could help you create better relationships within your team?

Leadership examples: from constraints to innovation

My story is not an isolated one. The business world is teeming with examples of people who have turned their limitations into assets and given their organisations a more human face through the lessons of hardship.

Howard Schultz, the founder of Starbucks, is one such leader. Empathy and care for employees have become the company’s hallmark, precisely because its founder experienced the hardships of life first-hand.

Another example is entrepreneurs with dyslexia. Around 20 per cent of the population struggles with this challenge, but among entrepreneurs the figure is over 30 per cent. This disparity is often explained by the fact that people with dyslexia learn from childhood to cope with failure and look for creative ways around their difficulties.

In other words, they develop resilience and innovative thinking at an early age. As a result, dyslexic businessmen (such as Richard Branson or Daymond John) are not afraid to step outside the box, because all their lives they have had to ‘think differently’ from the rest. Psychologist Coral Hoh notes that the common denominator between entrepreneurs and dyslexic people is precisely adversity – it hardens their psyche.

Consider also the examples of companies created or developed through crises. Many innovative leaders acknowledge that constraints can stimulate creativity. When resources are scarce or the situation forces them to operate under pressure, teams often come up with the most groundbreaking ideas. Steve Jobs could have given up after his dismissal from Apple, and yet he saw this failure as a gift from fate. During his period of ‘exile’, he founded Pixar and developed new competencies, only to return later to Apple and take the company to the heights of innovation. He himself said that failure at Apple paradoxically unleashed his creativity because he was no longer afraid of further failures. This is a classic example of a ‘failing’ that turned out to be a springboard – and a lesson that great change can be born out of crisis.

Finally, it is worth mentioning social leaders whose personal suffering has been the spark for change on a wider scale. Nick Vujicic, a motivational speaker born without arms and legs, or Chad Hymas, a businessman who was paralysed from the neck down after an accident. Both have used their experiences to inspire thousands of people to overcome their own limitations. Their work shows that the power and strength of leadership does not come from physical prowess or a perfect CV, but from resilience of spirit and the belief that every obstacle can be turned into something good.

Similar examples confirming the thesis that suffering can transform can also be found in Poland.

Roman Kluska, the founder of Optimus, went through a difficult path when he was falsely accused of tax fraud and his business was destroyed (he was eventually cleared of the charges), but this experience strengthened his determination and prompted him to pursue charitable activities. Anna Dymna, a prominent actress, after a series of personal tragedies (including the sudden death of her husband and a serious accident) founded the Despite Everything Foundation, which provides assistance to people with intellectual disabilities. Ewa Błaszczyk, on the other hand, after the trauma of her daughter’s accident and her falling into a coma, became the founder of the “Akogo?” foundation and the “Budzik” clinic, which helps awaken children from comas. Meanwhile, Wojciech Makowski, a blind swimmer and Paralympic Games medallist, has turned his disability into a source of motivation, competing in sport at the highest level and inspiring others not to be afraid to cross their own barriers.

All these stories, whether from the corporate world, start-ups or social activism, have one thing in common – a conscious decision to make suffering a seed of change rather than an excuse to give up.

Practical tips for leaders: how to turn adversity into strength

If you’re in a difficult situation yourself, I’ve put together some tips to help you overcome your difficulties and make them a lever for your personal development, your environment or (when it comes to work) your team:

Find meaning in suffering.

Easy to write, I know. But believe me, it’s not about looking for pain by force (I’m not talking about physical and that you should stop taking medication), or telling yourself that you need it in any way. My point is to see the lessons in difficult experiences. Ask yourself questions:

1. What can I learn from this situation?
2. How can this challenge develop me as a person or a leader

The words of billionaire investor Ray Dalio, who used to say:

 “Pain + Reflection = Progress“.

Treat every stumble as feedback, not as a definite failure. This change of perspective will make you start to see even crises as a step on the road to success, not the end of the world.

Practice self-awareness and conscious choices.

Find time for self-reflection, e.g. through journal writing or reflection time to better understand your emotions, reactions and values. A leader who knows herself will find it easier to be consistent in her actions and make informed decisions, even under pressure. Remember that self-awareness is a rare quality – most of us overestimate it in ourselves, so it is worth working on it like a muscle. When you are faced with a difficulty, consciously choose your reaction rather than acting impulsively. This could be choosing an attitude of curiosity (instead of anger) towards a problem, or deciding to ask for help (instead of pretending to be indestructible). Such conscious choices will become a habit over time and make you more resilient to stress.

Build resilience on a daily basis.

Mental resilience does not magically appear. It needs to be trained. Prioritise your mental and physical health. Work out regularly (I needed more than 3,000 sessions to stop limping), move, nurture your interests, spend time with family and friends, learn and continually develop. Additionally, simple rituals such as a morning walk or evening gratitude (writing down things you are grateful for even on a hard day), or if you are a believer evening prayer, strengthen your psyche.

When faced with another crisis, recall previous battles won. Knowing you have the skills to cope with difficulties adds strength. It is also worth inspiring those around you and showing them what your resilience is.

At work, even as you consider yourself indestructible, talk about the importance of breaks, recovery and the essence of mutual support. It is, in the main, the leader who sets the tone, so if you show that you can stay balanced and calm in the storm, people around you will emulate you.

Share your story and listen to the stories of others.

Don’t be afraid to be authentic and sensitive. Sensitivity and the goodness that flows from it is not a weakness. Tell your team (as much as you feel comfortable) about the difficulties that have shaped you. Be it illness, difficult beginnings, poverty or past failures. This is not a sign of weakness, but of courage and confidence.

Coming out of the shadows and talking openly about your challenges can become someone’s cure and inspiration to change their life for the better

Active listening is equally important. Ask team members what obstacles they face, what frustrates them. Create a space where they can talk about problems without fear. Often just listening with empathy works wonders

Cultivate a culture of empathy and innovation.

Empathy in an organisation is not only about relationships, but also about better business performance. When people feel understood, their engagement and creativity increases.

As many as 87% of employees say that mutual empathy within the company increases efficiency and the ability to share ideas.

Therefore, as a leader, reward empathetic behaviour such as mentoring, helping other departments, sharing knowledge. Be a role model yourself, e.g. if the company is going through difficult changes, communicate them honestly and with sensitivity to the emotions of the staff.

An empathetic approach unlocks innovation. When people are not afraid to admit problems, they are more willing to look for unusual solutions. Also, use constraints as challenges for your team. Instead of complaining that something is missing, pose the question “what can we do with what we have?”. This shift in thinking (focusing on possibilities instead of constraints) is at the heart of an innovative culture.

It turns out that when resources are scarce, people activate layers of creativity to achieve a goal in spite of everything. So celebrate even small improvements conceived in response to a difficulty. This builds the belief that every obstacle can be turned into a success, which over time becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

From suffering to strength – Your transformation

The story, although it is very personal to me whenever I talk about it, has a universal message.

Each of us has our own ‘haemophilia’ in life – an obstacle that seems insurmountable, but how we respond to it determines where we ultimately go.

As humans, we cannot avoid suffering or limitations. However, we have the influence to make these adversities meaningful. We can allow difficulties to inhibit us or, conversely, to toughen us up and inspire us to change for the better.

By transforming ourselves, we are able to transform our surroundings, families, communities or organisations.

1. Overcoming difficulties teaches humility, but also the courage to take risks.
2. Suffering teaches sensitivity to others, which translates into more humane and empathetic leadership.
3. Constraints force creativity, so companies led by leaders who have experienced shortcomings are more likely to seek innovative solutions. Such leaders create cultures based on authenticity and trust, where employees feel part of something bigger – a mission that has deeper meaning.

Finally, I would like to leave you with a reflection and a question, what in your life or career has been or is still seen as a weakness or source of pain? Think about how you might look at it differently and has this experience taught you anything? Has it made you even a little bit better person or leader?

The strength you carry within you is perhaps directly proportional to the burden you have been carrying. Suffering really can be the seed of change, if only we give ourselves the chance to bring that change out of it.

I hope that my story and the tips collected here will inspire you to consciously use difficult experiences as fuel for your own transformation. It is up to you to create poison or medicine from the raw material of pain.

The personal transformation of a person who overcomes difficulties becomes a light that illuminates the way for others towards a future based on resilience, conscious choices and empathy.

I wish you courage and perseverance on this path. In truth, I hope that no crisis comes your way, but if it does, let it be an opportunity for you to become an even better leader and person. Remember: you have the power within you to transform limitations into a powerful engine of change.